For everytime I stopped myself from buying something

I splurged on something today. Still hesitating – even though I already bought it and used it.

Went out with Ant today doing little errands. Chinatown to Supercuts TBP to BMC at BMC.

We had a tough time deciding if Ant should take N Levels or O Levels next year. I mainly wanted to be realistic and felt that it might be difficult for him to cope if he took O Levels, especially knowing his general standard. He took this English Proficiency Test for foreigners, which looking over his shoulder, is like P4 standard? And he didn’t even do it very well!

Kind of worried, but still hoping for the best. We’ll see what lies in store for us in 2011.

On another note, all my project results are out, and they are, for lack of another word to describe them, disappointing. I wonder if there is any secret formula to doing RMIT projects. Either the markers are very strict, or we just don’t get it. We really put in alot of effort into the projects, but the results just suck! At least we didn’t fail, but we didn’t get the marks we expected at all.

Just can’t wait for uni to be over, but at the same time I don’t want to be separated from my awesome uni mates. Contradictory, I know.

Greg Anderson said:”Let us be about setting high standards for life, love, creativity, and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day and every decade worth looking forward to.” But isn’t it also true that when you have high expectations of something and it doesn’t pan out the way you anticipated, the fall is much harder. I feel like I landed on my ass and knocked my head on the curb.

Good is not good, when better is expected.

 

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A chair is still a chair

I love this song I heard from glee! Its called A House is Not a Home by Luther Vandross, but I love the glee rendition more, though I just feel like its more fitting sung by a girl. Kurt’s part was the best, I felt so touched by it!

I just feel like floating around my house singing.. haha.

A chair is still a chair, even when there’s no one sittin’ there
But a chair is not a house and a house is not a home
When there’s no one there to hold you tight
And no one there you can kiss goodnight

Anyway, I really hate myself for being such a lazy bum procrastinator. I should just go join Procrastinator’s Anonymous. I can never bring myself to do anything. I never finish what I start.

I just need to slap myself awake.

Procrastination is like masturbation.  At first it feels good, but in the end you’re only screwing yourself.

Once upon a fall

I know I lied. I know I always lie.

When you tell 1 lie, you have to tell 10 more just to cover up the first one. Then you have to tell 10 more just to cover up each of those 10 lies. And it just snowballs.

But there are different reasons for lying. Only one person truly knows why I’m doing it. Why won’t I tell you? I’m sorry, but you can’t handle the truth.

Its almost over, why did u have to bring it up? I feel terrible inside. I wanted to help you but at the same time I didn’t wanna lose out.

I love you, I really do. And I’m sorry, but this is something I have to do.

It is hard to say which of the two we ought most to lament – the unhappy man who sinks under the sense of his dishonour, or him who survives it.

Never had a dream come true..

I wish dreams came true. Then I’d dream about getting thin, and being rich, and I’d dream away all the people who get on my nerves. I’d dream about world peace, and happy things.

I know I know, I’m rambling, but one is entitled to dream.

I’m just so lazy, I’ve been meaning to clear out my room for ages, but I just never get round to doing it. I’ve been meaning to go on a diet, but I never start. Its always tomorrow, then tomorrow again. Its like tomorrow never comes.

Sometimes I just despise myself.

Lack of discipline leads to frustration and self-loathing – Marie Chapian

The wheels on the bus..

I’m on the bus towards Genting now, once again. Looking forward to a rest after working and just before school, but not really to spending 2 whole days with the extended family.

I’m so tired but I’m still awake. Its in the middle of the night and I used to think that the worst people to be stuck with on a bus were snorers. They fall asleep amazingly quickly, and their snores are a cacophony of heavy machinery and roaring lions. This time however, I’ve found another group of people that make me so frustrated I could claw my hair out. The talkers. There are 3 old ladies seated behind me, and they have sleeping problems. In the past hour, I’ve heard all about how hard it is to get sleeping pills in Singapore, their friend’s friend’s sister’s incontinence problems, and their niece’s university.

Uh hello, there are other people on the bus who actually don’t have sleep disorders like you guys and do want to catch some shut eye. We don’t need to hear about your psychiatrist, neurologist, and certainly not about the uses and effects of paracetamol (or how to spell/pronounce it). They’re torturing me; its like their conversation dies down, and when I sigh in relief and am slipping off, Old Lady 1 will start a new topic, Old Lady 2 will answer her and tell her an entire grandmother story for the next 5 minutes. And this goes on and on and on.

I really really hate english educated know it all old ladies. I’ve come across a few in recent weeks, and they all piss me off.

Ok the talking has subsided and the silence has sustained for longer than a couple of seconds. I’d better try to fall asleep before it all starts up again. Toodles.

- Two Hours Later -

Fuck. Please shut the FUCK UP! I CANNOT FKING SLEEP! I’m far too nice to say anything, but they’re really really pissing me the hell off. I am so irritated!!!!!!!!!!

Somebody save me. I don’t wanna think bad thoughts, but I can’t help myself. I have earphones in but I can’t really sleep with music in my ear either. In between every song I take them out praying for silence but they just NEVER stop.

Fuck fuck fuck. I wish I could wish up mouth cement for them. They’re like fking inconsiderate.

I feel like I’m on some kind of hell ride that never ends and I’m just slowly going insane.

What annoyances are more painful than those of which we cannot complain?

Smile, even if it’s a sad smile.

Because sadder than a sad smile is the sadness of not knowing how to smile.

Yesterday I heard some terrible news. A good friend of mine has decided to back out from my course and stop studying with us. I felt distressed, unsettled and indignant. Its almost been a year since I came to know this group of friends, and I feel like they’re one of the best and most loyal friends ever.

I wonder if I should have tried harder to help her before the exams, or if I should have just done more to prevent this eventuality from happening.

Whatever it is, its done, and I just hope for the very best for her. Things are going to be different next semester, but not in the way I want it to be.

A true friend is someone who knows you’re a good egg even though you are slightly cracked. We’re all good eggs.

Even though we’ve changed and we’re all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we’ll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we’re not all still friends.

Take care of yourself babe.

Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose